How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize