Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
