"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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