So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize