Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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