wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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