fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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