I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
