I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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