in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
