A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
