he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
