please come you make the beer taste better
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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