What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
