Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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