Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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