listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
