I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
