i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
