I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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