If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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