I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
