If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
