i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
