I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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