i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
