So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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