My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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