Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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