i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
True college students do jello shots in the library
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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