saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he fucked my hip out of place.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
