fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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