When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
