the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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