If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
