Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
