everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
