How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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