Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
