Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
