Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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