can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
