All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
