apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
