Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
