dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
