I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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