I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
