I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
