I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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