Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
