why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
