im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
