Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
