He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
