I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize