It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
