my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think people are normalizing furries
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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