I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you will always have a special place in my vag
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
