So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
