oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
