I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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