I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
