you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
