I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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