She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
