I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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