it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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