i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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