his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
