I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
this hospital has no fireball
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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