I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
