you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
