I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
