let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
