Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
