Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
